In the most difficult hour of my life, I read somewhere, “Grow through what you go through” and this kind of got stuck with me.
The occurrence and acceptance-
February 2021- Our entire life got shattered in a fraction of a second when we were told that our 4-year-old and only child has blood cancer. I can’t even begin to describe how terrible or gut-wrenching it was.
Her treatment started, and was extremely traumatizing for her and us too. Watching your baby go under needles, day in and day out, watching her cry, watching her undergo harsh chemotherapy medication was not at all easy, in fact, it was mentally very grueling.
Cut2- 2019 I and my husband took a life-changing decision of him leaving his job and pursuing a full-time Master’s abroad. Little did we know that the already difficult circumstances would get worse with our daughter’s diagnosis. After he left for his studies, under the pressure of managing the household, a baby, a full-time Banking job, and tremendous mental stress, I sought comfort in food and reached a weight of 93 kilos, even before I could realize it.
Piku’s cancer presenting symptom was severe unexplained back pain because of which she couldn’t walk, I had to carry her all the time at the hospital and even at home to the washroom, etc, and she used to take her chemotherapy sitting on my lap on the hospital bed, which meant long hours of sitting in one position. She wouldn’t even let me go to the washroom, so I would end up not drinking water too. All this started taking a toll on my health, and 4 months into her treatment, I realized that I was breaking down mentally and physically.
I decided to take charge of my health- both mental as well as physical. By now it was clear to me, if at this point, I collapse, my whole family would crumble, because I was the base they were all relying on… so is every woman in the family by the way-the base, and as we all know, the base should always be strong.
I made a promise to myself, no more sickness (at least not the ones that can be avoided) in my family now. Also when you see sickness this close, you realize, in the best possible way, how important and valuable health is. I decided to enroll under a coach and give it all it takes to become physically stronger so that I could endure all that was happening around me. I used to have trouble doing the exercises initially due to my weight, but I just kept going. I did not give up, just hoping that someday I would become stronger and all this will become easier for me.
There were some micro-tasks that I made sure were completed each day, every day, just taking one day at a time. I even managed to work out in the Hospital room, using my resistance bands. I would complete the workout when my daughter would be asleep.
Also, there were days when Piku would be irritable under the influence of steroids, or fighting side effects of chemotherapy and would not let me move from her side and I would complete my workout when she would be asleep, in the same room just with a night lamp on. All I focused on, was consistency. I would work out at home, and at times would take hours to complete it, as I would be running errands all over and watching over her.
The proper nutrition, adequate water intake, and optimum exercise, soon started showing their effects. Not the physical ones I am referring to here, but the mental and psychological ones. I was able to manage stress well and pay proper attention to doctors’ instructions and guidance, not just be mentally lost. I was having very little idle time at hand, which warded off negative thinking, and the best thing that happened was, I actually started sleeping. I was having months of insomnia that was fixed. Back pain was soon gone and I could easily hold her now.
My workout and running time also gave me a window to detoxify myself and clear my head and see through things pragmatically. It is funny to think, that all my life I kept saying that I am too busy to follow a diet or workout or to take any step towards my fitness but was able to do it in the darkest hour of my life when I literally had so much on my plate. But I have no qualms in admitting that starting my fitness journey at this time was the best decision I ever made, and that’s the reason I stand sane today.
I have not slipped into depression and was able to steer through this difficult situation in life. Often it is the mind that we need to convince, the body follows along. I shudder to think at times that had it not been for Fittr and my decision of starting my fitness journey, given the emotional eater that I had become, where would I be standing today?
Eventually, in a few months, my daughter completed her intravenous chemotherapy treatment and was put on oral maintenance. She felt much better and smiles often now, which means the world to me. It’s 12th February today as I write this article, ironically it’s exactly one year to my daughter’s diagnosis today. And, today I have been galvanized through the entire process, am 18 kilos lighter and fitter than I have ever been and both I and my daughter have risen from the ashes to become the Phoenix we are today. I thank God for choosing ME to be her mother and walking this path with her, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
To conclude, I would quote these lines from an unknown writer:
Woh zameen pairon se khisak jana
Hai ishara ki ab udna hai!!
Author: Prerona Misra