Introduction
Stories of hope! It sounds fancy and inspiring. But, is it? For those who are genuinely drowning in their mind, with anxiety, or phobias. We will find out by the end of this short story of mine.
Present
From the world’s point of view, I have it all. A great job and a good income. Independence, no restrictions. A great body is the result of years of good diet, gym, running, and a disciplined lifestyle. Unmarried.
Nobody can see or understand what’s going on inside. The only proof they get, conveniently ignored, is from occasional ‘bad choices’. These ‘bad choices’ are carelessly attributed to immaturity or arrogance. But these bad choices are the only proof of the struggle going on deep inside. Of the cry for help. Of the imperfections in me as a result of bad parents and bad childhood.
Past
I was an unwanted child. Why? Because I was born a girl. The second child was born to my parents, 6 years later. During these 6 years, although I was unwanted, I was pampered to the highest level. Only with the hope that the second child would be a boy. Unfortunately, NO. It was a girl. And I took the blow.
All the affection, trust, and love instantly plummeted to ground level. How confusing it is for a 6-year-old child, to transition from love to abuse in a matter of a day? Oh! I forgot to mention, that my dad was a full-time narcissist; physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive. For 6 years, all this abuse that I saw my mom taking, was directed at me. As if it was my fault, it was not a boy.
The third child was a boy. But I became the designated punching bag in the family. But the 6 years of love showered on me by ‘dad’ had made me his child. I was a stubborn, headstrong girl, refusing to cry or get scared of regular beatings. And this irked him more.
Consequence
Fast forward, I’m what I’m today because of them. I’m grateful for an abusive dad and a suppressive mom. I’m fearless, a risk-taker, and independent, thanks to them. And I’m grateful that I watered the right grass. I could have become a lot of bad things, a ‘loser’. Instead, I decided to become ‘eccentric’, always fighting for my freedom.
Now, I’m a doctor, an aspiring entrepreneur, with lots of good habits, taking correspondence courses to better myself.
The only problem is the constant loneliness and pain inside me, attracting the wrong people into my life. This is the only battle I have to fight, and I don’t know how. I can assure you, that I have also recognized and coped with many bad traits like anger and impulsivity.
Future
I’m sure, one day I’ll be a rich, untouchable woman if only I can learn not to be so emotional.
It’s a thin line. I can fall on either side. So far, I’m proud of myself. I’ll not trade my life for anything, ever, despite the current problems in my life. My years of experience have taught me that current problems are temporary and superficial. Stay put. And time changes. I just hope to go far and help at least one person needing direction.
Author: Shweta Patil
