“Happiness is a form of courage.”
-Holbrook Jackson
Being a qualified Homoeopathic Physician, the mind has always been on my mind. I have seen people go from being stoic rocks to a gently flowing river, just as a result of a simple under-rated query- ‘How are you feeling emotionally (mentally)?’ Having dealt with so many minds for so many years now, I should have been an epitome of self-actualization, right? My journey toward my personal mental health only began about a year ago!
Coming from a humble background, with a relatively sound childhood, life has been generous so to say- decent grades and an active extra-curricular interest always bought me the praise and accolades I sought. But the girl who could own the stage dreaded people off it!
Behind my timidity though, I hid my deepest darkest secret- SELF-LOATHING. The pressure to always be good, right and proper I had put on myself had led to multiple marks on not just my body, but also my soul!
One time when I mustered up the courage to talk about it with a loved one, I fumed at the suggestion of seeking therapy- I was a doctor myself & I did not need one! Deep down I knew I was scared- of judgment and ridicule. Doctors are considered Gods and Gods ought to be PERFECT!
2021 shattered all my walls- life circumstances or rather my assumptions about all that was happening, made me take the ultimate step- to end it all and not once but quite a few times! I was just married for a year and what my partner was going through would easily be anyone’s worst nightmare.
My visit to a psychiatrist left me high and dry with a dreadful diagnosis, a heap of pills, and a handsome bill. After a lot of convincing, I sought help from Prerna, my therapist, whose first words have stuck with me ever since- YOU ARE BEYOND YOUR DIAGNOSIS.
I felt like a weight lifted off my chest and I cried the ugliest cry of my life. I tried to put my bravest doctor’s face in front of her but she helped me let my guard down and talk about things- hurt, regret, past- present, feelings, emotions, and effects. I won’t say it was magical, but with every sitting, I realized how much of a stranger I had been to myself!
The journey has given me quite a few momentous pitstops that I revisit each time I feel under the weather-
- Acceptance over expectations– especially the unexpressed expectations that we expect to be understood- it plagues most of us unconsciously! Acceptance of people, situations, and outcomes is a stepping stone towards better clarity & tranquility.
- Perfection lies in the mind of the doer– If you know you gave it your best and all, that was pretty much perfect irrespective of the results.
- Love, just like charity, must begin at home– and home here is YOU! Your body, mind & spirit deserve as much of your care and attention as you would shower on a loved one.
- To err is human, to forgive divine and to learn from experience is prime– Never fear failure, always seek and grant wholehearted forgiveness, skip the guilt and keep learning from experiences, both good and bad.
- Wabi Sabi– The Japanese concept of ‘The beauty of imperfection and impermanency’. Change is the only constant and to be dynamic is life. You are bound to feel the highs and lows of each day without languishing about it- give yourself some space and spare yourself some trauma.
- Always be vocal– Be it favors, help, or support of any kind, always voice it out. There are a million hearts, minds, and hands waiting for the subtlest of signs to help you float your boat!
It’s been a year of sinusoidal growth and I am a proud work in progress. I am happy & working towards it to the best of my ability, trying to walk the talk with baby steps towards self-care- body, mind, and soul- as often as possible.
Not every day is the same & on the days that seem especially challenging I allow myself some rest and recovery. To everyone on the brink of their mental health journey- now is the best time for anything, just pause and ponder- you are beyond your problems, you are beyond your doubts- YOU ARE LIFE and you are worth every beat and breath.
Author: Namratha Serigar
