Married To A Narcissist
25 years ago, when I was in my early 20’s, I got married (arranged) to a handsome, well-placed guy from the US. Life seemed like a fairy tale.
Within three weeks of marriage, I heard from my ex-in-laws. My husband did not have a job and I was told to start a career in the IT industry, move to the US and later take their son along.
He was a narcissist and a sadist. It was a loveless marriage and I was only a woman he could use for his desires. He doubted my relationship with my dad. Twice at midnight, he wanted me to leave the house and I fell at his feet and stayed back. I was naive and timid.
My family used to send us money, and expensive gifts to keep him happy but nothing changed his attitude towards me or life. His family agreed that he does not have a job and that his attitude has been like that. They still wanted me to adjust and take care of him.
Walked out of my marriage.
Barely 6 months into this marriage, trying everything to make this marriage work, I walked out one day.
He laid out more rules saying that I should talk to my family only once in 15 days. That I must sit/stand as he says for the next few months and not question anything. I had my certificates and jewelry with me. I told myself that he cannot rule my life and treat me the way he wanted. I had no academics or a job to fall back. I had my family and hope, courage, and confidence in me. I never questioned why this is happening.
Started a new life.
My family supported my decision and became my backbone as we were always to each other. As per them my mental strength and my decision to walk out of a bad marriage also encouraged them to support me.
I did a computer course and I joined a computer institute as a front office person. I struggled hard to learn and understand. I broke down several times as I found working in an office difficult, but I was determined to carve a life for myself.
I moved jobs (in two years) and joined an MNC. From then on, I have worked only with the best IT companies in the world.
All this while I had to deal with letters, phone calls, and feelers from my ex-husband asking me/begging me to come back as he had now changed. I understand that life is not a movie where a villain becomes a good man after the interval. Also had to deal with people who gave me free advice to go back and passed nasty comments.
My family too had to face all this and more but, we all stood together like a rock. I counted my blessings, kept myself busy with work, focused on building a career, going for long walks, praying, and being with positive-minded people. Also applied for a divorce and got it with great difficulty.
A couple of years post-divorce, a colleague and I fell in love and we got married. My divorcee status did not matter to him.
My husband and I have 2 kids (biological and adopted). Recently I quit working. Life is beautiful and this world is a huge place with good people. Stay strong and say NO to a troubled relationship. It is never late to start a new life again. Life is what we make out of it.
Author: Anonymous
