A very famous cosmetic brand has the tagline “because you’re worth it”. Many of us may just pass this as any other tag line but it has a deeper meaning to it than we can probably imagine.
Knowing your worth and understanding what you are capable of is very important. Most of us know ourselves, as we grow older, we start recognizing our strengths and weaknesses but there may come a point and it may have happened with many of you too that we feel that we are not good at anything.
We may face a setback and that setback lets us think that we can never become or do what we wanted to in the future. Sometimes it may be the people around us or sometimes it may be the situations life puts us in. But, is it true that you definitely suck at doing things in life, or is this just another low-passing phase? And if this is how do you get out of this phase and come out a winner?
In this article, we will go through the concept of self-esteem, why self-esteem is important and how to develop it.
What is Self-esteem?
The construct of self-esteem was first described by William James (1890) as capturing the sense of positive self-regard that develops when individuals consistently meet or exceed the important goals in their lives (1). In simple words, it is the opinion we develop about ourselves in terms of our ability to meet the many challenges of life and achieve happiness and success.
Considerable attention has been given to self-esteem due to the fact that it was once believed to play a causal role in many important life outcomes. Widespread interest in self-esteem began to build during the 1970s as results emerged that linked self-esteem with a variety of social problems including drug abuse, unemployment, academic underachievement, and violence (1).
Studies have shown that as we go through life, our self-esteem inevitably waxes and wanes. These fluctuations in self-esteem reflect changes in our social environment as well as maturational changes such as puberty and cognitive declines in old age. Young children have relatively high self-esteem, which gradually declines over the course of childhood and adolescence. It increases gradually throughout adulthood, peaking sometime around the late 60s, and declines again in old age. Overall, males and females follow essentially the same trajectory (2).
Self-esteem is thus a powerful human need. It is a basic human need that makes an essential contribution to all life processes. It is indispensable to normal and healthy development and has survival value.
What causes low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can be caused by a variety of factors. Causes of low self-esteem include bullying, violence, trauma, academic challenges without parental help, authority figures who disapprove, etc.
Parents may also contribute to their children’s low self-esteem in a variety of ways. One way is to place a higher value on their child’s successes than on the effort they put in to achieve them. When children are rewarded for their accomplishments, such as winning a game or receiving a reward, it may lead to low self-esteem before the next tangible achievement (3).
Consequences of low self-esteem (4)
While inadequate self-esteem can severely limit an individual’s aspirations and accomplishments, the consequences of the problem need not be so obvious Consequences of low self-esteem are not seen all of a sudden in one night. But they develop slowly and sometimes may even show up in more indirect ways. The time-bomb of a poor self-concept may tick silently for years.
A person may be driven by a passion for success and exercising genuine ability and may rise higher and higher in his profession. Then, without real necessity, he may start cutting corners, morally and/or legally, then he may commit more serious offenses still, telling himself that he is “beyond good and evil” as if challenging the fates to bring him down. Only at the end, when his life and career explode in disgrace and ruin, can we see for how many years he has been moving relentlessly towards this final act.
Signs of low self-esteem
Poor self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways as follows:
- Perpetual fear of failure
- Difficulty accepting compliments
- Preoccupation with personal flaws
- A proclivity to undervalue oneself
- A desire to satisfy others
- Inability to say no
- Avoiding confrontation
- Excessive apologizing
- Overreacting to conflicts
- Fear of loved ones leaving them
Since you’re worried about how people will view you, these feelings and behaviors may cause you to avoid doing things you enjoy. Low self-esteem does not cause physical symptoms in and of itself, but it is linked to disorders that do, such as anxiety or depression. Stomach aches, migraines, and fatigue may all be symptoms of these mental health issues (3).
How to develop self-esteem?
Sometimes you cannot avoid certain situations. If you go through something in life that lowers your self-esteem, you need to understand that it is ok and completely normal to feel that way. Although this may be the case it is not like this will become a permanent thing and that you cannot change it. Self-esteem can be developed! Here are some ways in which you can enhance your self-esteem
Develop consistent self-care activities
Just as how others treated you in the past significantly impacted your self-esteem, how you treat yourself every day influences your self-worth. Self-care includes such things as eating a healthy diet, getting optimal amounts of sleep, doing regular exercise, practicing good hygiene, taking time to do things you enjoy, wearing clothes that you really like, treating yourself well each day, and making your living space somewhere you enjoy to be. Feeling out of shape, exhausted, unattractive, and unhappy will leave you vulnerable to feelings of insecurity.
Develop a list of your strengths or positive qualities
No one knows you better than you yourself. Your strengths and weaknesses will be known to you. Write out a list of all the strengths you possess and then add to it as you recognize new ones. Then post this list on your refrigerator, bathroom mirror, or other visible location to remind yourself of these strengths and qualities.
Quit comparing yourself to others
No two people are alike. Comparing yourself to others might help your self-esteem if you compare yourself to people who are less skilled or talented than you are. However, most people who struggle with self-esteem issues do the opposite and compare themselves to others who excel in the areas they value, and therefore end up feeling defeated. Instead, compare yourself to yourself and look for the progress you have made in your pursuit of competence and success.
Let go of perfectionism
Feeling like you need to be perfect robs you of the opportunity to appreciate your daily accomplishments and achievements if they are not up to your unrealistic expectations. If the only time you feel good about yourself is when you have a perfect performance, this will be rare. You can lower your expectations for yourself and by doing so, your self-esteem can soar. View mistakes as simply opportunities to learn, not a reason to beat yourself up.
Live your life with purpose and goals
Setting and achieving goals builds self-esteem. Living a life that is aimless and purposeless gives no sense of achievement, which does not build your sense of self. As well, do not let others, such as your parents, establish your goals and purpose in life. They will rarely fit for you and will ultimately lead to unhappiness and failure. You need to set a goal, develop a plan of action, implement the plan, and evaluate your success.
Reward your achievements
Too often we focus on our failures and ignore our achievements. Instead, find a way to celebrate or reward what you have accomplished by doing small things like giving yourself a break, treating yourself to your favorite food, going on a holiday, doing one of your favorite activities, allowing yourself time to relax, spending time with a friend or verbally complimenting yourself, etc. Also, remember to celebrate the smallest of your achievements.
Replace negative self-talk with positive self-statements
What we tell ourselves day after day is what we come to believe. This being the case, we need to create a new, more positive script for ourselves. Stop listening to your inner critical voice and if you like, even give your critical voice a name so that you can begin to see it as something separate from yourself. Foster a new voice that is more positive, self-accepting, and supportive.
Life is full of ups and downs. If there are bad days in your life you need to have hope and faith that good days will come too. This does not mean that you cannot do anything properly or that you are not good at anything. Do not let one setback pull you down forever. Rise and shine again for that is what defines your success.
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Author: Dr Pooja Nilgar (Content writer and editor)
References
- Zeigler-Hill, V., 2013. Self-esteem. Psychology Press.
- Robins, R.W. and Trzesniewski, K.H., 2005. Self-esteem development across the lifespan. Current directions in psychological science, 14(3), pp.158-162.
- Ano, L. (2021) ‘Developmeny of Self Esteem When it is Low: A Pshcological Perspective’, Clinical and Experimental Psychology, 7(5), p. 2021.
- Branden, N., 2021. The power of self-esteem. Health Communications, Inc..
